A Cynic’s Guide to Doing a PhD in Humanities
4 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Started Grad School
Let’s say you have read my previous piece and still want to go ahead and do a PhD in Humanities. Okay. I obviously cannot tell you what to do with your life. It’s yours to ruin. But at least let me give you 4 tips I wish I’d known before I started that may make your experience in grad school and beyond slightly more bearable and/or less painful.
Ready? Alright, here we go
The school you get into is extremely important. The better the school, the higher your chances of landing a tenure-track position after you graduate.
Here is the harsh reality: if you can’t get into one of the top 15 schools in the country (and I’m being very generous here), your chances of getting a tenure-track job after you graduate decrease exponentially. You’ll hear a lot of bullshit to the contrary, about how school rank is not relevant, etc. Don’t believe a word of it.
I’m not saying it is impossible to find a job if you attend an average-ranked institution. I am just saying it would be very, very difficult to do, much more difficult than if you were enrolled in an Ivy- League school or something similar. Hell, nowadays, it’s difficult to find a tenure-track job even if you do attend a prestigious school. So unless you get admitted to a top-tier program at a top-tier institution, you should think twice before starting on your PhD with the dreams of landing a tenure-track position in academia because, odds are, you won’t.
The bottom line is this: You might be working on the best project in the world, but when the time comes to apply for jobs or fellowships, you better believe that the review committee will be infinitely more interested in the application of someone from an Ivy-league school than in your carefully put-together portfolio. It is the truth. Don’t blame me for it. I’m not making the rules. Just face the goddamn facts and proceed accordingly.
Pick your advisor strategically.
When it comes to choosing your advisor, know that there are two main factors that you need to consider: their reputation in the field and how much of an asshole they are.
On the one hand, your advisor may be very well-known, but don’t give a rat’s ass about their graduate students. If that is the case, you will find soon enough that reaching them when you need them the most is more difficult than getting an appointment with the President of the United States. And this, in turn, would eventually make you feel like you’ve been left in the middle of the goddamn Sahara Desert with no compass and no one to guide you, forced to find your way on your own. How do you think that would go?
On the other hand, your advisor might be the greatest person in the world who helps you a lot but is not really known in the field (especially if you are attending an average institution). Then getting a job interview might be more difficult than it already is. Remember, it is your advisor who is going to be writing those recommendations that you’ll need for your job applications; if no one in that job committee heard about your advisor, then you might be shit out of luck in being invited for an interview, no matter how good of a candidate you think you are for that position.
So do your research, pay attention to the reputation-asshole dynamic, and pick your advisor wisely.
Prioritize your physical and mental health. Always.
I’m not saying this from the “you’ll do better as a grad student if you exercise and become a little bit more mindful” perspective. Fuck that. Grad school is grueling and will destroy you physically and mentally if you don’t pay attention to it. I’ve seen people run into a myriad of health issues because they neglected to take care of themselves since they were so goddamn focused on getting their work done. Don’t be one of those people.
Work won’t fucking save you. It really won’t. No matter how much effort you put into your studies, it will not improve your chances of finding a tenure-track job. Not one bit. So you better start putting things into perspective and think long-term here.
Prioritize your health. Eat properly instead of stuffing your face with that shitty free pizza that they give out in your department. Pick up and maintain an exercise habit. Hit the gym. Walk. Do yoga. Whatever. Just move your goddamn body. You’ll be thankful for it later on.
And take care of your mental health. Grad school can be a lonely experience, but remember that you are not alone in your suffering. Your school probably has some kind of counseling service for grad students. Make use of that. If you have the financial means, see a therapist regularly, if you are not already doing so. Look into some of the tried-and-true mental health practices, such as meditation and journaling (yes, they do work). Exercise would also help you in this sphere. Whatever you choose to do, though, make sure you attend to your mental and emotional health.
Save money and build a financial nest for the future, because you’ll need it.
This one is going to be controversial for a lot of people, and obviously everybody’s situation is different. And yes, I already know how little grad students make, thank you very much.
Assuming you are getting a stipend, try to save as much money as possible. I don’t care what you do (within legal limits, obviously). Share an apartment with people. Don’t eat out. Cook at home. Cut back on drinking. Stop shopping for things you don’t really need. Go live with your parents if you have to so that you can save on rent. Try to make an extra buck or two. I don’t care. Just make sure you are living well below your means and putting away some money.
And here is the even more important part. Not only do you have to save money, but you also have to invest it, no matter how small the amount is. Open an investment account, put the money in a low-cost index fund, and DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH IT. Every month, add to it whatever you can and let it compound. You can do the same with individual stocks, but it would be riskier.
I know you think that talking about money issues is beneath you mighty intellectuals, pursuers of the life of the fucking mind. But if you manage to heed what I say, then, when you are about to graduate and having a panic attack on top of an existential crisis because you don’t have a tenure-track job lined up yet (and honestly, you probably never will), you might at least have something to fall back on that may tide you over until you find your footing.
So there you have it. My advice for anyone out there who is considering doing a PhD in Humanities.
Don’t get me wrong. My original warning still stands. Unless you are independently wealthy, you should steer well clear of doing a PhD in Humanities. But if you still want to try your luck, you might as well pay attention to some of the things I told you in this post. That way, you might have a slightly less painful experience.
Until next time!
100 % agree with all your points. And if I may add one more: Colleges and Universities are in it for the money. The higher ranked they are, the more they can charge in tuition. Part of their rank is based on the academic backgrounds of their faculty. Second tier schools will not hire second tier grads unless they can't get any ivy leaguer. And since the ivy league itself is so selective, there are an abundance of ivy leaguers who were not able to secure a position in the ivy league. So if you go to a second tier school, the *best* you can hope for is a position at a third league school, but you are still competing with all the other second tier school grads, and probably some left over ivy leaguers. Even if you are good at what you do. It's all about the rankings.
This is a good tie up to your original article…